If I’d known I was gonna run into Brad Pitt yesterday I would have washed my hair
8:45- 4 pm: Work, blah-blah-blah, Unfulfilling lunch, work, Cyber Monday purchase (six new bras!), blah-blah
4:00: Vin reminds me that Brad Pitt’s new film premieres at his theater tonight.
4:01: Scan my outfit. Denim slacks, striped shirt, nerd blazer. Wave of regret washes over me.
6:05: Finish up work. Run to grab burrito bowl from Chipotle for dinner. A quarter cup of rice, a pinch of chicken, a dusting of cheese and an ocean of pico de gallo. They should rename this thing the salsa bowl. What a rip. Quickly followed by indigestion.
6:20-6:50: Travel to Vin’s job on the west side.
6:51: Arrive at theater. A crowd of people straddle two sides of walkway. Vin and I allowed to pass through metal gates to enter theater, past fans and papparazzi. Not-so-gracefully trip over metal gate. Crowd disappointed I am not Angelina Jolie. Papparazzo shouts, “Hey, that was Ashton Kutcher!” as my husband walks past. Guy was probably kidding. Heart swells with pride regardless.
7:05: Red carpet set up inside. Holy cow. There’s Brad Pitt. Homina-homina-homina. Lift jaw off floor.
7:07: Park myself by the entrance to the screening room, right by bins of popcorn. Watch very pretty people with really nice outfits swarm in. Rose Byrne, the snotty one from Bridesmaids, walks in with a friend. I outweigh her by 100 pounds.
7:08: James Gandolfini walks past. Feel skinny again.
7:10: Mr. Big Chris Noth grabs a bag of popcorn and tosses a piece in his mouth. Looks at us, furrows brow and says, “Is this popcorn?”.
7:20: Gaggle of unimaginably beautiful statuesque blondes walk in. Feel slightly frumpy in my therapist work-wear. Get over it. This is the best people-watching I’ve done in years.
7:30: Lots of famous people walking by me. Some more famous than others. Some hotter in person than on TV. Some not.
7:50: Vin escorts me into area where Brad is hiding out until everyone is seated. Say excuse me to Brad as I pass by him on the stairs. Act cool during. Clutch pearls after.
8-9:40: Watch movie. Pretty good. Very violent. Kind of weird to see everyone I’ve just passed in the lobby shot in the face.
9:45: Steal “Friend of Pitt” sign off a theater chair. Save for my creeper scrapbook.
10:00: Hit the subway with husband and his co-worker. Compare thoughts on various celebrities. That Angelina’s a lucky lady. Then again, so am I.