Did you change your name after marriage?

Observations/ Reflections

by Jenn P. | on February 18th, 2013 | 4 comments

I never gave a lot of thought to changing my name after I got married. I just always assumed that I would. And so four months ago, I did.

Walking around with a totally different name than the one I’ve had for the past 30-something years has definitely been an adjustment. There are times when I completely forget what my new name is, or hear myself saying it and feel as though I’m a teenaged girl trying on her boyfriend’s name for size. I’ve been surprised by how many people leave out an entire vowel and call me a different name altogether, but mostly, I’ve been surprised by how many people have asked me why I chose to change it at all.

“I liked your old name better. Why would you stop using that?”

“That’s too hard to say. I don’t like it.”

“What made you decide to change it?”

I changed my name because I wanted to share one with my husband, simple as that. If we have kids, they’ll share it too, and that works for me. When I weighed the other options–keep my maiden name or hyphenate–going whole hog and taking his name was the best route for me. I stress for me, as I understand why it wouldn’t be the best route for everyone. Isn’t it lovely that we all have options?

If I were super established and recognized by name in my career I might not have changed it. If he had a truly unfortunate name I might have given pause. But I like my new name, and I think it fits me. It’s Croatian and it’s cute and one of my clients said it sounds very “international” which I absolutely love.

Sorry for not telling you what it is–but that’s another reason why I changed it legally. As a therapist, it’s not a great idea for clients to know many of my personal details, which runs pretty counter to having a public blog. I’ll keep my maiden name here (it’s Poole, by the way), and use my married name for work.

Regardless of what my name is legally, people are going to call me what they want to call me. People who have known me my whole life are always going to think of me as JennPoole. It doesn’t really bother me either way.

A name is just a name, and my entire identity is certainly not encapsulated by it. Is anyone’s? I think we’re all a lot more interesting than that.

Did you/would you change your name after marriage? What were the reasons for that choice?

Jenn P.

30-something psychotherapist. Loves cooking, hosting parties, exploring new places. Texan by birth. New Yorker by choice. Likes to tell little stories. Pull up a chair; I'll tell you one.

Add a comment

Comments (4)

AuntieFebruary 18, 2013

I love your new name. I think I even learned how to pronounce it.
Love Auntie
GregFebruary 18, 2013

I did not change my name after marriage, mainly because I’m a dude.
SerenaFebruary 19, 2013

I changed my last name, and similar to you, I never thought much about it. It wasn’t a process for me. I knew I wanted to have the same last name as my husband, and that was that. As a kid of divorced (and remarried parents), I hated that I had a different last name than my Mom and step-siblings. However, it’s been about a year since I legally changed it, and I still sometimes find myself referring to myself by my maiden name. When people ask me my name, I still have moments where I have to pause and think about it, as if remembering exactly who I am again. My signature is the hardest… it’s so engrained that I still sign my maiden name without even thinking about it.
Julie / BoundFebruary 19, 2013

I got married a year and a half ago, and I still haven’t changed my name, though I fully intend to. I’m just super lazy. And then after the wave of wedding stuff was over, it didn’t seem like there was any impetus anymore. That being said, I’d still like to change it so that my husband and I share a name…

Much To My Delight