Much To My Delight

Much To My Delight


My husband is out of town, and I’m REALLY tempted to cheat.

 

I am really not feeling like myself this week. I feel edgy and irritable, and like I’m about to jump out of my skin. Vinny has been in L.A. since last Thursday and while I’ve never cheated before, I fear I am growing dangerously close. The temptation is killing me, and I’m dying to take this edge off.

Seriously, this Whole 30 crap is getting on my last nerve, and I really want to throw in the towel.

What did you think I was talking about?

So, I already knew this about myself, but extremes are not for me. I am pretty good at moderating myself, and I’m not enjoying the hard fast rules of the whole 30 program. I’ve noticed a real spike in moodiness, crankiness and even mild depression over this past week, and it’s not physiological. The psychological effects of being told everyday that I can’t do something I want to do are very real for me. Sometimes I want just a little piece of chocolate after dinner. I can eat tons of avocados, but I have nothing crunchy to scoop them up with, which just feels like a crime against Tex-Mex. And of course, I am longing for a cup of coffee with cream and light sugar in the morning. To be honest, I don’t wake up as enthusiastically or easily as I usually do because I don’t have coffee to look forward to. Is that pathetic?

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Last night, while waiting for the “historic” blizzard to actually touch base in New York City (spoiler alert- it never did), I made a pot of pulled pork and butternut squash chili, and it was bangin’. BUT I couldn’t stick any Fritos in it or grate my own snowstorm of sharp cheddar over the top, and it truly felt like less of a comfort. Afterward I whined to my mother on the phone, “THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE!”

So why am I still doing this to myself? If I’m just gonna bitch and whine about it, why finish?

There are two key reasons why I won’t quit. The first one is the promise I made to Vinny, who actually has it much harder than me this week, as he’s out of town and hanging out with a friend he enjoys sharing large boxes of donuts with. If you’re going to travel anywhere on this diet, I imagine L.A. is probably a really good one, but I know it’s still really, really tough to eat this way away from home, so if he’s going to stick to it, so am I.

The second reason is to prove to myself that I actually can do it. It’s quite rare that I set a deadline for myself and make it, so having a bit of determination and sticking to a goal I set for myself is important to me. Plus, I mean, sheesh. If avoiding sugar and dairy and carbs for a few weeks is my biggest hurdle in life, I’ve got it pretty effing good. Plus we’re so close! A week from today, we’ll be totally done.

So today, because I already called all my clients and cancelled their appointments in anticipation of an EPIC and HISTORIC blizzard, I will stay home and indulge myself in things I love to do. I will play records and write. I’ll take a long stroll through the snowy neighborhood. I’ll probably eat another bowl of chili and softly weep because I cannot pair it with cornbread.

And I’m going to bake some cookies.

Because that’s what the human brain tells you to do to feel cozy on a snow day. You bake. So I will.

I won’t eat them, of course. I’ll roll the dough into a ball and pop it into my freezer so Vin and I can share hot, fresh, sweet, delicious cookies at the end of Day 30.

Sometimes we celebrate with food.

So shoot me.

I told you I was edgy this week.

cookie

 

 

Jenn P.

30-something psychotherapist. Loves cooking, hosting parties, exploring new places. Texan by birth. New Yorker by choice. Likes to tell little stories. Pull up a chair; I'll tell you one.

  • http://writemeg.com/ Meg
    I kind of feel irritable just thinking about Whole30, to be honest, so I really do commend you for sticking it out! I don’t think it’s pathetic at all to miss — crave, really — that first cup of coffee in the morning, and to feel less enthusiastic in general because of it. Giving up caffeine at the start of my pregnancy made me a cranky MESS. I still miss my diet sodas from time to time, but the lack of coffee has been the worst. Granted, supposedly I can have coffee (up to 200mg of caffeine!) every day, but I just feel weird about it . . . so I’m going without until June. Blergh. In related news, so much for the historic storm, eh?! I mean, better to err on the side of caution, but I’m kind of secondhand disappointed that it was such a bust. Glad everyone is okay and so on and so forth, but a good snowstorm is often rather exciting!
    • http://muchtomydelight.com/ Jenn from much to my delight
      I’m SO irritable. You have no idea. I’m usually not a really moody person, but this has just turned me into something else. I am counting down the days! Can you have decaf coffee when pregnant?
      • http://writemeg.com/ Meg
        Decaf coffee is A-OK, but the taste has been funky to me. Not sure why? Husband agrees that it tastes “different” and “off,” but maybe I just need to get used to it.
  • Brandi James
    I have a love/hate….but mainly hate relationship with “healthy living choices” such as Whole30. I want to call them diets but that is such a dirty word that I try to stay away from. I will admit that I have been VERY lucky in the gene pool of having a nice metabolism and being brought up with an active lifestyle, I can tell from reading your blog that you have as well which is awesome! However, I, like you, am in my mid-30s and dammit if that metabolism decided to jump ship and swim for younger shores and leave me hanging in a shrinking raft! So in an effort to keep myself in shape and not go all baby Huey on myself, I have tried at different times, different “diets” (eek!). And they do work, and the TOTALLY suck and then after the 30 days of saying I can do it, because you can totally do something for 30 days, I incorporated a few tips and threw the rest out and welp…there came back that 5lbs I was trying to lose. I once went on this no dairy, no yeast, no sugar thing for 30 days and hell the first 14 of those days you couldn’t even have fruit. Talk about hating life. I have this one coffee creamer that I love that is fat free but has 5g of sugar and I didn’t have it for those 30 days and my morning coffee tasted awful. After those 30 days I totally adopted Stevia/Truvia and have never looked back on that but damn if I decided that my fat free 5g sugar coffee creamer was worth it…it totally is. Anyway, enough rambling…I feel ya lady! Just know you aren’t alone and I also think that doing stuff like this with a hubby/boy partner kinda sucks because they seem to have an easier go and definitely see results faster. But then again we have the awesome lady parts and we get to decide when they can have access to them. :) Love your blog!!
    • http://muchtomydelight.com/ Jenn from much to my delight
      Hello Brandi! Thanks for your comment. Ah yes…the mid 30s. Things have definitely changed, right? If I hadn’t done this with Vin there’s no way I would have stuck to it. I feel your pain with the coffee creamer dilemma. I’ve decided that if milk and sugar in my coffee is what it takes to make my mornings happy, then I’m gonna just be ok with that. It’s all about balance anyway, and a cup of PURE JOY in the morning won’t kill us.
  • Brittany
    I say…you are awesome for sticking it out (Yes, I am speaking in the future because I know you will) but for heaven’s sake…dont make anymore awful promises to your hubby or yourself like this! We need joyful Jenn back lol <3
    • http://muchtomydelight.com/ Jenn from much to my delight
      Rest assured, I’ve already made it very known to him and anyone else who’s been around to hear my whining that I will never subject myself to this no-coffee ridiculousness ever again! It’s funny that you say you want Joyful Jenn back (thank you, btw– that’s really sweet). Vinny said he thinks my comedic timing has improved because of my new edginess. I’d rather be unfunny and pleasant and eating carbs again.